He’s Interviewing But I’m About To Pass Out

MOOD: onigiri- terrified (Terrified)
Quote Of The Day: “I don’t know how I feel.” -Ranjiba

[Backtrack Post]

Kenny’s interview is tomorrow and I’m feeling really anxious. No, no. Its not excitement, its legit anxiety. I’m nervous. I’m not nervous that he’ll fail. I’m nervous that he’ll pass. Isn’t that just evil? But its truly how I feel! I don’t feel ready to have him move here. I don’t feel ready to give up this peace and quiet and great relationship that reason A and I have built up since the cats have come. I don’t want to give any of it up!! Minus the work drama situation, I am in a really good place now and I wanna keep it that way! I know him coming will mean lots of drama, tension and awkward moments between him and reason A and I’ll be stuck in the middle of that and I am so emotionally and mentally spent that I don’t think I can take on such a challenge.

Honestly deep down inside I think I gave up a long time ago. I’m really trying very hard to force myself to go through with this, but I regret it on a daily basis and I’m only going along with it cuz its what I “should do” at this point in time and I’m way too invested in it to put down my pride and say I made the wrong decision and I can’t live with reason A telling me for the rest of my life “I told u so”. I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place and I’m on autopilot now. I don’t want to feel this way but I do.

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