Archive for September, 2015

Keeping reason A In The Loop + Deterioration Of Juse

MOOD: onigiri- sad (Concerned)
Quote Of The Day: “You are such a waste of talent at that shitty job.” -reason A

So I told reason A about the potential job opportunity at Katie’s company and she got super excited. Right now I think we both have a mix of emotions. We’re stressed and upset about my current job situation, that it has come to this and that I’m very short on time in regards to this transition but at the same time we feel a little excited and liberated to see what the future has to hold for me. I feel like the little kid that gets let out the house for the first time to see the sun. I’m reluctant yet curious. I want to tread carefully because I don’t want to be disappointed or hurt.

She told me she can’t wait for the day that I leave, that she can tell for the past 7.5 yrs I’ve worked here that my health, my spirit and my whole being has just deteriorated. She feels like I’m just like the walkin’ dead now. I have no joy or energy to me that people my age should have. She said she knows my job has caused a majority of it. The stress I go through on daily basis with this hell hole, the responsibilities and duties way beyond my compensation that just weigh me down and quite frankly, just suck the life out of me. Its true. That is how I feel. I don’t feel happy or have any joy in life. Work and career is just such a big part of my life. I don’t socialize much so I feel like my job takes up about 90% of my waking time. And when u are unhappy at the one thing that takes up the bulk of your life and time, then it’s really hard to keep in good spirits.

It is time. It really is. I can’t, and don’t want to continue to live this miserably. I’m not even greedy. I don’t hope to find a job that I am totally in love with although that would be nice. I’m not saying I want to be one of those happy-go-lucky people who wake up in the morning and scream “I love my job!!” I just want to be in a non-hostile work environment. I don’t think that’s too hard to find. Hopefully I will find it.

Is The Universe Sending Me A Sign?

MOOD: onigiri- happy (Excited)
Quote Of The Day: “Oh Lord, what were u thinking? Lol.” -Katie

So Tanya reminded me something that I totally forgot about. This is why its good to have friends so that they can give u good ideas when you aren’t thinking straight. She said why don’t u ask Katie if her job is hiring. I totally forgot about that. Sometime last year Katie asked me for a favor. She had something she needed designed for her job but she didn’t know how to do it. I said sure.

She said her boss really liked it, and I jokingly asked her if they wanted to hire me and how about they said yes. So I sent in my resume to her boss and everything. But right when she was about to schedule me for an interview, I had to decline. One, it was located Downtown. I can’t do that. Its far, its jammed, and its a nightmare. If I wanted to drive that far, I’d stay at my current job. Two, I needed to stay at my current job so I could do Kenny’s paperwork. Thank you baby Jesus that hot mess is over with. Three, Katie said they don’t get paid much or probably couldn’t match my pay.

But now I’m in a tight spot so I have to try all possible opportunities. Well I texted Katie and come to find out they are still hiring! She said there is a guy who is quitting and his position will be open and its a “marketing” position. So that’s right up my alley since that’s my major! They also moved offices, and is not located right off Buckhead and I Googled the distance and its exactly half of my current daily commute! Wow! I’ve always wanted a fancy shmancy job in Buckhead! Lol. And its my profession and I get to work with Katie! Its like awesome all around. Is this the universe coming to my rescue? Lol. The only thing now is the pay. Katie asked me if I’d mind telling her my current pay so we don’t waste anyone’s time and she can just ask her boss for a yes or no as to if they can match it or not. I don’t get paid a lot but I definitely don’t get paid pennies.

I told Katie to put in a good word for me because if they’re willing to take a chance with me, within a few days, they’ll be able to see that I’m a great added value to their company. I’ve always been timid and had no confidence, but my work is where I excel. Honestly I am very confident in my work ethics and I do what I have to do to get shit done, and that hasn’t carried me very far in my job apparently but I’m pretty loved across the board by my managers/bosses.

I’ll give it a few days and then see if I can get an update with Katie. I ordered a suit online that should come in next week, and I’ll be all set for interviews.

Back Up Computer? Check! + Dress For Success Continued

MOOD: onigiri- poker face (Waiting)
Quote Of The Day: “You don’t look good in professional clothes.” -reason A

So today I finally finished backing up and downloading all my personal shit from the work computer. I think since I’ve been here, I’ve changed computers only once. That was a pain in my ass. At one point they offered me another new computer but I was way too lazy to back it up and then switch over so I passed that along to my co-worker at the time. I hoard a lot of shit on my computer so it actually runs kinda slow. I didn’t have as much stuff on it as I thought I did? I think I had about 25GB of music on there though. Lol. I had my whole iTunes library on there basically. Gotta back up all that bootleg music I worked so hard to download. Lol. Next thing was all my designs. I decided to take them with me and then delete the files from the computer. They never paid me to design the stuff, so I refuse to let them have the raw files. If the company lives on pass my days, then the next person can design their own shit. U don’t get a freebie from me!

After work I headed to Target to see if I could find some work clothes. They usually seem to have a decent selection of work clothes and I tried a few items on. They didn’t have my size in some of the stuff, but I was lucky to walk away with one complete outfit, of slacks, sweater and a blouse. Its not interview appropriate, but it is work appropriate I think. I definitely need to slowly transition my closet to more of an “adult” look instead of my usually big tee and jeans thing I got going on now. Lol.

Mid-Autumn Festival + Dress For Success!

MOOD: onigiri- sweating (Oh Boy)
Quote Of The Day: “U look like you’re about 40 yrs old in a pant suit.” -reason A


So I am happy to report today that me and reason A are feeling much better. I still feel like ass only cuz its that time of the month still and I’m moving at turtle speed. The rain is still going strong and the whole feel is just gloomy and depressing. Not sure what reason A came down with but I’m just glad she’s fine now. Today is the Mid-Autumn Festival and its a whomp whomp that we were sick yesterday and its raining today. Nonetheless we had already gathered all the stuff for a hot pot so that’s what we had for dinner. We actually didn’t eat much. Maybe because we were still recovering and just not in the mood to chow down.

Although it was raining all day, I did have to go out and run some errands. I HATE having to run errands in the rain but hey, what can you do? So my mission was actually to go out and search for some interview clothes. Honestly I’ve only had 2 legit jobs in my life, one for 10 yrs and this one I currently have for 7.5 yrs. There goes my whole professional career! Lol. For the first job at OMX I had a uniform to wear. Job currently is an office setting but since I don’t actually deal with “clients” or “customers” on a daily basis, I just wear whatever to work. I had mentioned before that our cleaning lady Larissa calls me “the lady who’s always wearing pajamas” Lol!! How sad.

So I never really had a job where I had to wear formal business attire on a daily basis. I’m a jeans and t-shirt kinda girl so this is definitely an adjustment for me. I just look so old with formal attire on. Ugh!! I asked Lili what I’m suppose to wear to an interview and she said suit. I was like noooo!!! I don’t wanna dress like Hillary Clinton! Lol. Me no likey pant suits!! >_< But she said I should wear that for the interview so I went out searching. No luck. I tried on one that had potential but they didn’t have my size. I really need to have an outfit ready before I apply for jobs cuz what if I get a call back right away? WTF am I gonna wear?? Lol. I need to find something that fits. ASAP!!

Suddenly Epic Sick!!

MOOD: onigiri- dillusional (Dizzy)
Quote Of The Day: “Maybe its food poisoning.” -Juse

Today was epic no bueno. Last night I finally gave reason A a summary of what’s going on at work. She kinda knew a little about us getting a letter from the lawyer and stuff, but I didn’t tell her we got served by the court marshall and I didn’t tell her that next Tues. was our deadline to answer to the court basically. I wanted to keep it to myself because I knew it would stress her out and honestly, she can’t help me with any of it so why have her all worried about it anyways. I have to admit it was very stressful keeping it all balled up inside. I felt like Kenny wasn’t being very empathetic and I couldn’t tell reason A so I knew I was bound to have a breakdown of some sort. Of course it stressed me out to tell reason A about it, and she was stressed out hearing it.

I woke up pretty early this morning and was going to grab a bite to eat then go back to bed. It was raining all last night through this morning. Its that time of the month so I already felt like crap plus the rain = double crap. reason A was up and moving around and so were the cats. I had this pounding headache and didn’t know where it was coming from and reason A said that she had burned something on the stove, and maybe it was the smoke that gave me a headache. We each had a sandwich and I was about to go back to bed when all of a sudden, like a storm hitting reason A got ridiculously sick! We didn’t even know what it was! She started vomiting like crazy and having to literally run to the bathroom every 2=3 minutes. I panicked. She’s never been one to vomit. So at first I thought it was food poisoning?? But I ate the same stuff she did and I was fine! Granted I didn’t feel good but I definitely didn’t feel like vomiting. Then we thought maybe it was the smoke?? It was really bad. She felt weak in the knees, dizzy and kept throwing up. I was so sleepy and tired but every time I heard her make a run for the bathroom I got up to see if she was ok. In the very end I think I was so exhausted I just fell asleep. She said she threw up yet another time but I didn’t even know it cuz I was knocked out by then.

I fell in and out of sleep and finally got up around 5pm. reason A was fine by then and I was feeling like I was about to pass out. How the hell did we get so sick so fast? reason A said it was from stress. I kinda figured so because I had been “holding it in” all week and I knew my body was tense and now that its the weekend, my body totally just lost it. I had so much to do today, errands to run but I could barely get out of bed so needless to say nothing got done. The cat’s didn’t even have lunch. Ugh. I’m just glad we’re feeling much better now. This is really not the time for us to be sick.

Kenny’s Paperwork? Check!

MOOD: onigiri- hooray (Celebrating)
Quote Of The Day: “OMFG. I am finally done with Kenny’s paperwork!!” -Juse

Ladies and gents, I have FINALLY after almost 2yrs, finished Kenny’s paperwork!! Auhhhh!!! I can’t even believe it. Why the f@ck has it taken this long?? Well first yr I was waiting on Kenny to come up with reason A’s dowry money, the second yr we had many bumps in the road, drama, bad communication, etc. And I honestly just lost all motivation to do his paperwork. I even started to despise him a little. No, correction; A LOT!! I started to hate him! Lol. This long distance relationship thing really is just for the damn birds. I always prided myself on how the “distance” wasn’t a factor for us, but that was before marriage. Reality is, in a marriage, distance does play a big part. And while I think its fine for dating, its really tolling on a husband and wife. Life has been hell for me ever since I got married. Like literally it was the roughest couple of yrs of my life since I’ve been an adult. I feel like I can finally take a sigh of relief now. Unless they contact me to tell me that I’m missing some paperwork, it is for the most part out of my hands. Now we just wait to see if he gets approved for and interview date, and we’re good to go. I am so happy I finally got this done. So something good did come out of this work drama I guess. At least it made me haul ass on Kenny’s paperwork. Lol.

Desk Cleaned Out? Check!

MOOD: onigiri- dizzy (Busy)
Quote Of The Day: “How the hell does one desk fill up a whole car with shit?” -Juse

Welp. Today I finally finished packing up my whole desk and loading it in the car. I joked about how I’m living like a hobo now cuz all my possessions are in the car. It literally takes up the whole car. The trunk is full and the backseat is full. I don’t even understand how the hell I can have that much stuff in an office desk!! I know no matter where I go next, I won’t have a desk this huge (currently have a U center) so I really need to condense this whole car full of things to just a few things I’m gonna take to my next job. I hope I get a cuticle or something. Some place that I can slightly decorate?? I hate a boring office desk.

I do have to say for the time being, its really inconvenient to be at work with no supplies. My desk is pretty bare and I’ve loaded everything in the car. I’m too lazy to go to the car and get it, so I just do without. When I first started working here I brought a lot of my own office supplies. Mainly because I like using my own stuff, AND their stuff was shitty. Lol. But just cuz I’ve been here 7 yrs doesn’t mean I’m gonna leave my shit here for the next person to use freely. All that stuff is going home with me! I just haven’t unloaded the car because I might need something. So I’ll keep driving around with everything in the car til the day I officially leave I guess. *FAILS* #wastinggas

Plan For The Week

MOOD: onigiri- sad (Worried)
Quote Of The Day: “I’m just gonna sit here and wait.” -Juse

So I still haven’t cried about the whole situation yet. Its either cry or get sick. One or the other is going to happen in the near future. Not sure which one. Overall though I think I’ve been taking this whole thing pretty well. I’ve accepted it and am planning for the worst. My plans for this week will be as follows:

-Clean out work desk (take home anything that is personal)
-Clean out work computer (delete personal files, back up designs, etc.)
-Finish Kenny’s paperwork (THIS.SHIT.IS.TAKING.FOREVER.)
-Update resume and maybe start applying for jobs? (this one is a maybe)

That’s a lot of stuff to do in like 3 days. I hope I get as much of it done as possible. If we do get locked out of our building next week, I need to make sure I am in the clear. So moving stuff out and cleaning out my computer is definitely priority.

Dazed & Confused + Where To Go From Here

MOOD: onigiri- crying deeply (Distraught)
Quote Of The Day: “Well if I don’t respond to your calls, its probably cuz I’m homeless.” -Juse

Today was a rough day. And I know I say that often, but I don’t think I’ve had an emotionally tolling day for a while now. My heart feels heavy and I’m stressed. I think this is God’s way of reminding me what tough times are like. Its his way of reminding me not to get too comfortable with being drama free and not having any worries. I feel like life has given me a free pass for the past few months, and I’ve enjoyed it. How life can be rewarding and fulfilling and happy. But now we’re back to the reality of Juse’s life and its filled with drama. I’m not sure I’m ready to welcome it back.

Right now I’m just kinda in a state of shock, and numbness. I feel the need to cry but I’m not sure I have tears at this moment cuz it hasn’t hit me yet? I also feel disappointed. I feel like I need someone by my side right now to console me but there isn’t anyone. Maybe losing a job is something easy to overcome for some, but for me it seems like a mountain I keep climbing but I’ll never get to the top. I feel like I need words of encouragement but I haven’t heard any. I basically just feel very alone right now.

Change is good people say. It is good I guess. I don’t mind changing jobs. Honestly I am a little excited about it. But I can’t help but to worry because I don’t have a cushion to fall back on. I feel helpless as pathetic as that might sound. I feel like I’m working so hard to try and improve my life, but I keep running into obstacles. I honestly don’t even know what the hell I’m trying to say right now. At one point during the day, I felt tears coming on. I wanted to hide in the restroom and have a good cry. But I couldn’t even do that.

Random Monday Thoughts…

MOOD: onigiri- tired (Tired)
Quote Of The Day: “Maybe Muffin can take cafe of you, she might even bring you a mouse or something.” -Kenny

I just did 100 toe touches, 100 arm curls and 100 leg curls at my desk #ihopeilostapound

I’m so sleepy, I’m considering drinking another cup of coffee just so I can drive home safely #ineedturbocoffee

I’m currently addicted to Cafe Bustelo instant espresso packs #bestttastinginstantcoffeeever

Life is tough #justanobservation