Games I Don’t Wanna Partake In!

MOOD:  (Upset)
Quote Of The Day: “See, after all that, now I need a drank.” -Earlene

Ok, I’ve really been trying to stay in a good mood recently but folks are just pissing me off at this point and I feel the need to vent about it. When I share good news with those whom I love and presumably love me back, I am expecting you to be happy for me. Ok, maybe “expecting” is pushing it. Should I say, “hope”? I’d hope you’d be happy for me. But it never occurred to me that there would be this many folks that are genuinely just not happy!! Why?? Ugh.

I am actually talkin’ about 2 friends in particular. One is Unnie, and the other shall remain nameless. Lets talk about the situation. I’ve already confided in both Lili and Runa about Unnie’s situation. I worry about her because she seems to be depressed. She’s been like this for the past year or more. I believe it is relationship based, although she does have a lot of stress at work, so I’m sure that’s also contributing. I can’t even remember when now, but I think it was about a year ago, she broke up with her long term BF. When I say long term, I’m talkin’ about 8 years or more.

I don’t agree with the theory behind dating for THAT long, but I’m not the one to judge and as long as it works for ya’ll then that’s great. She broke up with him because she wanted to start a life together and he apparently didn’t. I don’t know why that wasn’t apparent before cuz those of us around her could see it plain as day. Being in love is not about you lookin’ into my eyes and me lookin’ into your eyes, but its about the BOTH of us, looking in the SAME direction, and that is forward!! If you are not on the same page goal wise with your significant other than they’re not the right one for you!! Lets illustrate with my FAVORITE inspirational quote.

See what I mean?? If you wanna become a professional Ninja Turtle then he better wanna be on the side lines karate choppin’ right along with you!! Find someone with your same goals!! You cannot force someone to change for you!! They are who they are! If they want to make a change in their life, it is THEIR life choice!! Now if he didn’t mislead you from the get go then the only person you have to blame for wasting your time is yourself! Ugh!!

That’s not the point of my rant though. The point is, the end of that relationship put her in this current mood she can’t seem to get out of. I don’t know about ya’ll but to me 8 years is a damn long time. Many marriages don’t last that long!! I can understand to some extend but not all of it, as to why it can be depressing! Any breakup is depressing much less one that’s this long and she feels empty inside cuz she’s not use to being alone, she’s always had him, and now she feels like she’s wasted 8 years of her youth.

In addition to her relationship drama, she has work drama. She feels like she’s getting bullied at work, but like I told her before, if she only knew half the stuff I have to deal with at work, she’d understand that everyone goes through work drama!! I have more than my share and I complain about it all the damn time but does it ever get in the way of me takin’ my ass to work?? That would be no!! You know why?? Cuz I still feel blessed everyday that I have a damn job to go to!!

Third thing stressing her out is her family. She recently attempted to move out of her brother and sister-in-law’s house. She’s been living with them for the longest. It use to be her and brother and granny, but brother got married so it became her and brother, sister-in-law, granny and now their 3 kids. So needless to say, the place is a little crowded. I know that can be stressful, not only cuz she got screaming kids at home, but also cuz she has no privacy. Her room has been overtaken by junk from the kids and sister-in-law keeps on trying to hook her up on blind dates. I understand how stressful that can be.

Well her move out attempt was an EPIC FAIL, so maybe she’s feeling depressed about that too. She’s really not trying to date the guys that sister-in-law keeps on trying to hook her up with yet she’s getting pressure from family cuz she’s not getting any younger. All Asians experience this type of pressure. Just ask any Asian girl with really Asian parents. It’s pretty custom for Asian girls to get married in their 20s. If you are in your mid-20s and not well on your way to marriage, the parents start to panic. I know reason A was running around like a chicken with her head cut off trying to find me someone to marry. I was like WTF is the hurry? @__@;;

I understand all of that!! But at the same time, you should NEVER forget to be thankful and feel blessed!! I have been trying to reach out to her but she’s just been stuck in this “depression” and can’t get out!! I don’t know how to help!! But here’s where it all ties in with me and is making me a little irate. I have been keeping her up to date with me and Kenny. I don’t think she reads this blog. She use to read my old blog but she probably doesn’t have the time to read this one. So of course I was very excited to tell her that I’m going ring shopping and this is the real deal! She said congrats, but then fell off the face of the earth. -_- I knew she was probably sensitive to this type of stuff so I tried to not mention too much of how happy I was. I didn’t wanna rub it in you know. She texted me 3 days later and asked me if I got the ring. I told her yes!! I got it! And sent her a pic. She said it’s pretty. I sent her a bunch of other texts telling her how the day went, blah, blah, and she didn’t respond to any of it. Later she text me to apologize for it.

Ever since then she seems to be in an even worse mood!! Did I contribute to that?? I’m sure I did, but I really really didn’t mean to!! Me and her have been friends for over 12 years and she knows about me and Kenny so of course I was excited to share that news with her!! I already tried to be very careful and make sure I didn’t go on and on about it, but I could tell she was very depressed. I continued to text her and she sent me a text saying “If it wasn’t against my religion, I would stop living today.” I was like OMG!! I told her to feel blessed and that as much drama as I have, I still feel blessed!! She said “Girl, I have my share of drama. I just don’t tell you all of it…” But I’m like you’re welcome to tell me!! That’s what I’m here for!!

Yesterday while driving home I talked to another friend of ours, Earlene. I told Earlene that this is what friends are for! I have no problem telling my friends about my drama. If they are willing to listen then great and if they aren’t I’ll just confide in someone else. Keeping all that balled up inside is not healthy! I am a decent listener and I have no problem listening to your drama!! Why aren’t you telling me? you cannot blame me for not understanding or becoming impatient if I don’t know what’s going on! When she sent me the text about not living I got really upset. I sent her a text saying “We still have to always feel blessed. The more positive we are the more positive energy we attract, and that’s a fact. Woman, it can’t be that bad. You have a roof over your head. You’re healthy. You have a job. What about those who don’t? They should have died a long time ago then?” Was that comment too harsh?? But it was the truth!!

There are so many people out there that have much less than we do and they are still living life. I don’t understand what the hell there is to complain about. A former best friend of hers whom she doesn’t speak to anymore recently got diagnosed with cancer. I promised to keep it a secret in respect to her. But at that moment I just really wished that I could tell her about it!! I wanted her to desperately understand that she is blessed and needs to snap out of this depression!! Ugh!!

I wanna believe that she is genuinely happy for me. But I can’t help but to think she’s not. I’m her youngest friend I think cuz most of her friends are actually classmates from high school so they were all her class whereas I was 2 classes younger than her. So now even I’m engaged so I’m sure its very depressing. If she was dating right now it wouldn’t be half bad, but she hasn’t seriously dated anyone since her big break up so I know how difficult this is.

I felt bad so I sent her another text last night, “How was your day?” And she replied, “I’m going to isolate myself from you and everybody else.. You don’t have to contact me anymore.” I was like what??? I don’t know if I should be even more worried or just straight up pissed off at this point! I am trying to work with you woman!! I’m trying to be supportive and caring but God helps those who help themselves!! You have to help yourself too!!

Earlene said it best yesterday. She said “What she’s gotta understand is that everyone has their time. Back in the day when she was dating and everyone around you was dating and you weren’t. How did that make you feel? You never were like this! And all those times that she and your other friends could hang out and go places and your Momma wouldn’t let you go and you had to be stuck home, you never complained! Now is your time to shine, and your blessing is here and she needs to understand that her time will eventually come too but she needs to be happy for you right now.”

Now I am stuck between if I want to continue to reach out to her or just give up and let her cool down a bit. I don’t want her to fall into a deeper depression! She needs friends! She needs to go out and do stuff and be around folks! But she keeps herself stuck in her little world of boo-hoo-hoo’s and she’ll be miserable!! I really wished she would get out and date again. Sister-in-law is always trying to hook her up but she’s not interested. You can’t be stuck in the past, you have to be open-minded! You don’t know who you’re gonna end up loving!! If you keep searching for the one you “think” you’re gonna love then you might end up passing up the one that you really are suppose to be with!! >_<

I love her to pieces but sometime she gets me so upset!! Ugh!! Two instances that happened last time. One, there was like a month that I didn’t talk to her. I usually talk to her when I’m driving home from work, but during that month I was listening to an audiobook so I didn’t call her. Well during that month she had some dude pursuing her that she wasn’t attracted to. But since he was so persistent, she decided to go on a few dates with him cuz she was bored. Well afterwards she told the dude that it wasn’t going to work out but apparently he didn’t wanna take no for an answer and kept bothering her. After me and her reconnected and got caught up again, she told me it was my fault for her now not being able to get rid of him. Cuz had I kept in contact with her she wouldn’t have “strayed” just to keep herself occupied and now she can’t get rid of the dude. Hello woman!! I have a life too! And tons of drama!! I’m sorry if I occasionally go on hiatus, but I’m known for doing that!! If that was an issue then I’d have no friends cuz me and Lili went for like a year or two without talking! But we can still just pick up and be fine! Ugh.

Then another instance a couple of weeks ago. I called her and we talked on a Thursday afternoon. She called me the next day (Friday) and I missed her call cuz I was on the phone with Kenny. By the time I got off the phone with him it was too late to call her back. I called her back Monday afternoon. She missed my call. She then later sent me a text saying “Did you call Unnie?” I said “Girl, its me” And then she said “This is not she. What did you need to speak to her about?” I was like “Huh??” For a second I thought someone else was texting on her behalf? I was so confused!! Then I text her a couple of times more but she didn’t respond and then sometimes she would. Well come to find out she was just messing with me. I asked her if she has been having phone problems cuz I’ve called her but she’s missed all of them. She said “No you haven’t called. Would you please call me before the end of the world comes!” I was like WHAT?? But I HAVE been calling you!! Auhhh!! Then I sent her some other text messages, and she didn’t respond. Later she responded by saying “I’m supposed to be mad at you right now…” I was like WHAT?? For what?? What the hell did I do?? Is it cuz I missed your call?? Is that why you got this whole little “show” going on to prove to me you’re upset about it?? OMFG!! How old are we again??

Honestly, at this point in my life, I am at the “f@ck it” stage. I have dealt with so much damn drama in my life and have had to take care of my family at such a young age that I honestly don’t wanna put up with anymore immaturity and drama for no reason. Anyone else who is better off than me financially, or whatever else that complains about life, pisses me off. We are too damn old for this. This isn’t elementary school where someone is your best friend one second and you get upset and become best friends with someone else the next. When you were dating and we lost contact, I never felt neglected because of it! That’s just how it works! All of my friends that have recently married. We hang out and talk less and I’m ok with that too!! They are not single anymore! They have their lives and you should too!! I am always here if you need me but we are too damn old to be playing some “I’m mad at you” games!! I have always prided myself in having good and drama free friends but auhhhh!!!! I can’t deal with this!!

This is supposed to be a happy time for me! Why are you not helping the cause?? Reason A is already not giving me her blessing, I can’t deal with everyone being in a shitty mood right now when I’m in a happy one!! Please stay the hell away from me if you’re in a shitty mood so you don’t dampen my spirits!! I probably sound like a bitch right now and you know what?? I don’t give a f@ck!! >_<


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