EPIC Stressors… In Summary.

MOOD:  (FML)
Quote Of The Day: “You know Momma is your handicap.” -Tanya

So I had a pretty manic depressive evening last night. The day actually went fine but all hell broke loose when I got home. There are 3 main things stressing me out and I thought I would discuss them in category format. Leggo.

Work Stress
So a lot of my recent stress has been due to work. For the past two weeks, we have been extremely short handed at work. Bossman was out of town which is usually a thumbs up from me cuz I don’t have someone breathing down my neck. Now first let’s say that I am a very professionally responsible person. So it doesn’t matter how much I slack off, I never neglect my job duties. But with that said, I don’t like being micromanaged cuz I can manage my damn self. All you have to do is be specific about what you need done and when you need it by and send me on my way. I will be sure to get it done by the deadline if not earlier and it WILL be damn good quality. For someone who has low self-esteem like me, what I can say is that I’m pretty confident and secure in my quality of work.

I DO NOT work well under pressure though. I can deal with more added to my workload, but I can’t deal with a whole ‘nother person’s work loaded piled on top of mine! It don’t work like that. I can do some of your work but I can’t do all of it!! But everyone and their grandma wanted to request off at the same damn time!! And to top it off Bossman wasn’t here. So my perfect opportunity to slack off and have a breather turned into a ridiculously stressful situation because I was asked to cover 3 people’s positions in addition to mine!! OMFG!! The problem was that I didn’t have a competent person to help me. If Intern Bambi was still here, at least she could help me do some of the paperwork, but with everyone gone, and Intern Canton Cook being absolutely useless, I was basically left to fight this battle by myself.

I never talked about it in great detail because I didn’t have time to! That’s why I kept having back track posts last week cuz I really didn’t have time to blog! Ugh. Well now everyone is back to work, and I’m back to doing just my job (which is a lot already if you ask me) >_> and I’m slowly calming down. Problem is, stress usually makes me sick and Intern Canton Cook is super sick recently and I told her to take a day off and she refused and now she’s at work spreading her germs, and I am of all times, most susceptible right now. FML.

Hubby Stress
I rarely post very personal information about le Hubby on here, because he’s a very private person. Although I am CONSTANTLY posting stuff about “us” I don’t actually post that much about “him”. But for the sake of explaining my stress, this is probably necessary. So hubby has been unemployed (God I hate that word. Ugh. -__-) since around my birthday. At the same time, he also proposed, so we were suppose to start ring shopping. But reality is since money is tight right now, we decided to wait til he starts his new job before we start ring shopping. So for the past couple of months, he’s been doing just kind of whatever. I know being laid off is very stressful and depressing, so being the good wifey that I am, I have tried my best to be optimistic, cheerful, and supportive. I think he needs all my support right now and a lot of lovin’. I want him to be able to feel confident and loved and ready to take on the new job, whenever the opportunity comes!

Maybe it’s unfair for me to hold him up to a timeline or MY standards, but with each passing day I get more worried and depressed. Working is like going to school, it’s hard to start back up after you’ve had a “break”. You tend to get out of whack, lazier, start to lack the drive for success and become more and more of a couch potato. I don’t want that for him or us. But at the same time, I never wanna confront him about it cuz hes’s very self conscious in this regard and I don’t want him to think that I doubt him, don’t have faith in his abilities or love him any less for it. But secretly I am worried and stressed about it.

In regards to our relationship, I am very confident that we will be together. I know he loves me because he literally spends ALL his time with me other than eating and sleeping and that says a lot. Time is valuable to anyone and you definitely wouldn’t waste it on someone you don’t love. But sometimes I get in one of those “moods” and I can’t help but worry about our future and everything else in the bag, and I get depressed. Like a famous Russian author once wrote, “It’s hard to talk about love, when you don’t even have bread on the table.” So regardless of how much we love each other, survival is always first.

reason A Stress
As you all may or may not know, I have a crazy Momma. Yes reason A is crazy and yes she is Momma Juse. The reason she’s called “reason A” is because my old BFF Donna came up with this name back in high school because she said that Momma is my number one reason for doing anything in life. I basically live my life for her, and for pleasing her. That name stuck ever since then. She is very much crazy in her own right, but when it comes to my friends and relationships, this woman is the queen of sabotage. She is against me having friendships, relationships, you name it.

I can’t count on both hands how many relationships or friendships she has sabotaged, but although I’ve always fought, I have NEVER fought as hard to save one as I have with me and Kenny’s relationship. I love Kenny more than anything, and I know he is the one for me, therefore I will do anything I can to protect our relationship from her. This whole process is very stressful. Throughout me and Kenny’s relationship I have tried to tell reason A as few things about Kenny as possible. The less she knows, the less she can use against me. I tell her the basics and that’s it. I don’t let her know any detail of our relationship and me and Kenny try our best to resolve all our issues without input from others (such as parents).

But even with as much effort as I put in to protect ourselves from crazy ass reason A, she still manages to mingle in our business. She keeps pressuring me about when we’re gonna get married and that he’s not serious with me or genuine if he doesn’t hurry it up. WTF is wrong with you!! Do you know how far me and him are apart?? We’re tens of thousands of miles, not down the damn street!! Things are not that easy! There are SO many things and details we have to work out and it’s a blessing already that things have worked out as well as they have!! I’ve always maintained that the hardest part of love is finding the right person. The rest is all easy! We need to work at it at our own pace!! Stop damn harassing my ass!! It’s not like we’ve been in a damn relationship for 10 years and we’re still not married and you think it’s ridiculous!! Next month will be our 3rd year together!! WTF is wrong with your ass?? Ugh!! She interrogates me, belittles me, and makes me feel worthless! Although I’ve had to deal with this my whole damn life, but it doesn’t mean it is any easier! It’s just as painful as the very first time, every time she does it!

I don’t understand why she is forcing me to hurry up and get married when deep down inside I know she doesn’t want me to be married off!! She wants me to be single for the rest of my life and old and miserable like her so she can have me forever!! I mean I know it’s hard for some hovering parents to let go of their kids, but give me a damn break!! I don’t care, I refuse to back down and she’s really gonna get a run for her money this time cuz I’m gonna fight her till the end if it kills me!!  As if I’m not stressed out enough on my own with the previously mentioned things, she’s adding fuel to the fire by choosing this time to bring up me and Kenny’s relationship and how it’s doomed for failure!! How about you just stop mingling in my damn life and let me live it my damn self!! She upset me so much last night that I cried until my eyes were swollen like they got stung by a damn wasp!! I immediately became sick and started running a fever! My body was on strike and couldn’t take it anymore! Auhhhhh!!!!

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