Long Week + The Many Stressors Of Juse

MOOD: (Frustration)
Quote Of The Day: “Ugh…” -Runa

Hum, not sure what I’m going end up writing about today, cuz my emotions are kind of all over the place. Let’s start off by thanking God that it’s Friday!! Whew!! This week was rough as hell!! I had a ton of emotional ups and downs since Monday, cuz that was my first day working with the new girl, Intern Canton Cook, and it was also the first day I had to work without Intern Bambi. >_<

I was still sad about her, and as of right now, I feel pretty indifferent to Intern Canton Cook. I don’t know if she’s someone I can trust or not. I don’t get a very strong impression leaning either direction for her and I don’t know she’ll be the hard working down to earth type, or the shady type that tries to get it in good with Bossman cuz she’s new in hopes of a promotion or raise. You know there are all types of shady folks these days. Even Kenny warned me about her. He told me not to talk too much to her yet, just kind of feel her out. Cuz he knows and I know that Bossman is very sneaky. The reason he keeps on switching out employees is cuz he doesn’t want all of us to be on the “same team”. It is easier to control when there is chaos. He thinks if we all “get along” too well, then we’ll work together to like, uh… overthrow him?? Who the hell knows? He might as well be a damn dictator. Ugh! I know he thinks he can’t trust us anymore, so he wants to hire new people that he can mold into “his people” if that makes any sense. Its just such a shady company that I wonder how I’ve lasted this long. Ugh!

Not only that, but Kenny has been stressing me out. I mentioned before that my birthday is right around the corner and I had so many life goals to accomplish before I turned 30, and now that its 2 days away, I have absolutely no accomplishments to show for it. Noooo!!! I’m honestly really stressed about it. I feel he keeps on making broken promises. Like I told Runa, his really relaxed attitude about it makes me worry about our future. He doesn’t tell me any specific goals or anything, its always just “soon” or “forever” or “always”. So much ambiguity!! I can’t stand it!! I need dates! I need time frames!! I’m a woman for God’s sake! I have a ticking biological clock!! Auhhh!!! By the time I hit 30, I wanted to have a career, not a job, I wanted to be working on starting a family, or better yet, have started one already! But none of it has happened, and I feel like a bum!! It’s just so frustrating. >_<

I don’t want to stress him out for it. I don’t want to be the type of woman that “pressures” her man into marriage! That is not for me! I’m very passive, so I need him to be the aggressive one! But the reason it frustrates me is cuz he’s always the one that talks about “starting a family” and “being together” not me!! Then do something about it damn it!! Talk is bull!! I want some damn action! >_< I wouldn’t be so stressed for marriage if I was single, or I was just casually dating. But we’ve been together for almost 3 years. That’s a significant relationship right?? Also, I love him. I know he is the one for me! So why are we draggin’ this if we both feel like we have found the right one?? When a man who never thought about starting a family with any other woman but you talks about marriage more than you do, then you know he’s committed!! I’m so confused by him. -__-;;


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