Juse Evaluation: Fifty Shades Of Grey

MOOD: (Yeah Sure…)
Quote Of The Day: “Oh my…” -Anastasia Steele

So I finally finished this book sometime last week. It was painful to say the least. I know I’m all late reading this, actually I started reading it early, it just took me forever to finish it. Not all of us read at “Runa Speed”. >_> I contemplated about if I could actually sit through the whole book or not, cuz I listened to the audiobook. Since there is not much that I actually likes about the book, I’m just gonna talk about the stuff I don’t like. Yup…

The Audiobook Narrator:
So this one is a toss up. I listened to the version read by Becca Battoe. Granted I have never seen her act in any of the shows she’s known for such as Scrubs or Invasion, so I don’t really know what her real voice sounds like, but in this book, I listened to a version that was horrid. Her voice sounded like a 14 year old prostitute. It was valley, high pitched and just annoying. Instead of the sexy voice that maybe she was going for, it just sounded cheap. Sitting through about 30 hours of her voice was the most painful part to say the least. Problem is, that now I’m listening to the second book of the trilogy and its supposedly also narrated by her, but it sounds different? This time it’s a super deep and raspy voice almost like a man. *FAILS* I don’t know which version is her voice and which one is the bootleg. But point is, neither voice was enjoyable. -___-;;

The Anastasia Steele:
I don’t know how I can say this… but DAMN she was annoying!! I hate characters that are portrayed as plain jane but then have like 25 guys go after her. Life doesn’t work like that. I know this is fiction. I don’t give a damn. It’s just so fake. Oh, I have horrible self confidence, but every guy friend, co-worker, boss’s brother and random folks I interview all think I’m hot and are in love with me. Uh… Yeah. >_> Unless she is giving off virgin pheromones like a mofo, I don’t know what’s attracting the thirsty blood hungry men. The way she talks, what she thinks, her retarded inner monologues. They all annoy me. The fact that she’s a virgin and can be that damn horny is ridiculous! Are all virgins that horny?? If she said Christian was “hot” one more time, I was going to reach into the stereo system and choke her. I did find her subconscious and inner goddess rather amusing though. Lol.

The One Line Emails:
This drove me up the damn wall!! I don’t know how its laid out in the book, but on the audiobook, every email and every word of every email was read out loud. That means, that even if the body of the email only had one sentence, the narrator still read “From: Anistasia Steele, To: Christian Grey… Blah Blah…” and all the headers and footers of every single time!! It was so damn annoying! I’m like dude, I know who the emails are from and to, stop repeating that nonsense info! And why the hell are we emailing just one liners?? Can ya’ll just text back and forth or get G-Chat or something?? Ugh!! Although sometimes what they said was very endearing, for the most part it was just annoying. -___-;;

The Vocabulary or Lack Of In This Case:
Although the content of the book might be mature, but the reading level is like 3rd grade. The whole book consisted of 5 vocab words. Gape, Scowl, Flush, Fuck, and Hot. If I could get a nickel for every time one of these words were used and reused, I would have made 3 times the cost of the book itself in royalties. Yeah. Now I know in an interview E.L. James said that she’s not a good writer, but damn!! Can you at least bust out with the thesaurus or something! There has got to be more adjectives and verbs you can use than just flush and gape and only describe Christian as “hot”. Give me a break!! Of all the books I’ve read, which are not many, this was the most literary FAIL ever. >_>

The Repetitive Actions:
Can someone please explain to me how many times a woman can “flush scarlet” or “look down at her hands”? At the rate that Anastasia was doing it, you would think that it was going out of style. Reality is that she is not shy, she is just as kinky if not more horny than Christian. Just a touch of his finger, and she’s a goner? Com’on now! Give me a break. I don’t care if you’re God’s gift to women; it’s really not that serious. I guess that also attributes to the fact that she’s still a newbie at this, and has no sense of horny self control. Ugh. -__-;;

Honestly I thought all the descriptive language of the “sexual encounters” would make me feel uncomfortable, but in reality, those were the more bearable parts. Although I have to admit that listening to them while stuck in traffic on the way driving home was a little odd. Lol. I actually didn’t mind the character Christian Grey. Runa and I had talked about how we wished that maybe Christian was telling the story. I’m currently starting the second book in the trilogy, called “Fifty Shades Darker”. So far it’s ok, and Runa said it will be more psychological instead of all the sexual hoopla. The more I read it, the more annoyed I am by Anastasia. She’s always proclaiming her love for Christian, but all I see is a horny girl that can’t keep her panties on when she’s around him! I don’t like abrupt endings, hence I hated the end of the first book, but I did commend her however; on walking out on him because I don’t know how to justify the whole hurt me but I still love you thing. But then again, I am not a lover of anything remotely similar to an S&M relationship or anything overly kinky like that. That’s just a realm that I can’t step into. Maybe they define love differently. Anyways, not to give out too much of the second book, but she annoys me. -__-;;

I would still recommend reading this if you have nothing else better to read. >_> Yeah… I read it cuz I was curious about what the hype was all about. “Mommy Porn” huh? Yeah. I’d say so. In matter of fact, the porn part was probably the more enjoyable stuff. The book had no content otherwise. -__-;; Lets cross our fingers for the second book I’m on. Ugh!!

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