Archive for May, 2012

Pushing Through The Week…

MOOD: (Yup)
Quote Of The Day: “I’d tie up and take my condom too were I a man.” -Runa

Its Thursday. Although I had one less work day this week, it doesn’t seem to be going by any faster. reason A thinks that is has, but once again, it’s still only Thursday. Ugh. I really do need to stop complaining and be super thankful cuz the Bossman wasn’t here this whole week, which meant that I just got to milk the clock. Unfortunately  he two-stepped in here today and ruined the day. -___-;;

On the other hand, my Intern Bambi is doing really good!! I think she’s been here like 3 weeks or almost a month now? I lost track, but she’s picking up much faster, the speed hasn’t really improved any but she’s learned to do more stuff independently, which means it frees me up to do absolutely nothing! Lol. I like that. Although it seems like nothing is occupying my time right now considering that I spend all my time at work complaining, chatting or bloggin’ but in reality work is kinda bad. We’re forever going under “restructuring”. I’m really very sick and tired of it but I’m trying to restrain myself from complaining too much about it cuz I’m not doing anything to fix it. Yeah… >_>

Tomorrow is June folks!! You know what that means?? It means its time for Juse’s mid-year evaluations!! Whoa!! Time sure flies, I can’t believe half the freakin’ year is over with. Ugh. Well for those of you who don’t know, I’ve been doing mid-year evaluations since I can remember. At least since I’ve been bloggin’ which goes back to my first year of college I think. Back then, Xanga was the shit, so we all had a Xanga and at the time people were using Friendster. Who the hell still uses Friendster now?? *FAILS* Anyways, so mid-year evals are just me evaluating on how I’m coming along with my new years resolutions. It’s a way for me to track my progress of the goals I made this year, and see which ones I need to focus on more. I will rate each resolution as a pass or fail. I have a pretty bad feeling about tomorrow’s evals because how about I couldn’t even REMEMBER what my resolutions were, I had to go back and check my blog!! *EPIC FAIL* Ahaha!! Obviously I haven’t been keeping up with them! Damn. >_< But thought it might be brutal, I have to face the music. Tomorrow I will also detail my new budget plan. Ugh. How many budget plans have I murdered in the last few years? No damn clue. We’ll see.

And On This Day, No Sperm Shall Be Wasted!!!

Quote Of The Day: “I’m driving to work, but I can’t even wait til then, I had to call you and tell you this now!” -Intern Jon

So I don’t know how many of you listen to The Bert Show in the mornings. It’s a morning radio show in the metro Atlanta area. I’m not really sure how far out it stretches, but I believe it is syndicated and can be heard in multiple cities and states. So Intern Jon is also an avid listener of this show. He come into work later on certain days. I usually get to work around 7:40am, that means I only listen to The Bert Show from like 6ish til about 7:30am. This morning around 9:30am, my Intern Jon calls me. He is so dumbfounded and in shock of the topic that they were discussing on the show this morning that he had to call and tell me about it AS he is driving into work!! That’s how freakin’ shocking it was that he couldn’t even wait another 30 minutes to tell me! Lol.

So how about a listener said that she was wondering if it was weird that she did this one thing. She said she really wanted to have a baby but her boyfriend was like 100% against it. So how about after they “do it”, she secretly goes to the trash and fishes out his condom and tries to put his spermies in herself to impregnate herself!! WTF??? But get this, she told this to her mom, who then in turn corrected her and told her the correct way to do it is to suck up the spermies with a turkey baster and insert it in herself that way!! Then the next day, her mom dropped her off a turkey baster!!

Exactly!!! As Intern Jon is telling me this hot mess story over the phone my mouth is just dropped open and the whole time I’m just like WTF!! We were both screaming at each other over the phone!! I don’t know what is more disturbing!! The fact that this dumb bitch is trying this hard to procreate, or that she’s willing to dig in the trash for some spermies, or that she’s ok with telling her mom this plan, or that her mom effin’ CORRECTS HER and gives her a turkey baster to implement said new plan!! WTF!!!

Is that how her mom got pregnant with her?? See, its crazy ass bitches like this that make all men think women are effin’ crazy!! If you are a dumbass bitch, please do not procreate! You need to get your tubes tied!! We don’t need more little crazy ass bitches running around! What in the name of Medea made you think it was ok to do something like that?? I pity the BF in this situation, cuz one ya’ll aren’t married, two, he isn’t ready to take care of a child. So he’s doing the right thing by using protection and this is what crazy ass bitches do??

Intern Jon said that some men are so paranoid these days that they’ll tie off the condom afterwards, and take it with them to be disposed somewhere else!! Auhhh!!! That’s about as crazy as it gets for a morning show folks. Thank God I already had breakfast a good 3 hours before hearing this. Ugh. What I’m more disturbed about now is that I’ll never be able to see a turkey baster the same anymore. O__O;; *GULPS* Technically its still going into the same place, just a different bird. #ohshit >_> To summarize up the story, I have an illustration, and ya’ll know I love illustrating. >_>

Draw Something: Mackerel Pike

Quote Of The Day: “Your mackerel is way too fat!!” -Kenny

So me and Kenny have had little sessions of “Draw Something” way before it was popular. Lol.We would just draw it on messenger. Over the years, we’ve drawn some retarded stuff, and I admit, for someone who has a very artistic reason A for a mother, I can’t draw to save my soul. It doesn’t matter what me and Kenny are drawing, you can almost bet your bottom dollar that mine will look like a hot mess. >_> I can draw up a damn storm on Photoshop, but to draw by hand or with a mouse is a realm that I obviously don’t have talent in.

Today, ladies and gents; I have won my first round of Draw Something with Kenny!! Muahaha. It all started when I told Kenny that mackerel pike was on sale this week at the market. I don’t know how many of you eat fresh fish, but I don’t mind it if I’m not the one having to cook it. >_> But then again, nothing at home is cooked by me anyways. *FAILS* So anyways, there are plenty of fish that I like. Of course the common ones like tilapia, flounder, catfish, etc. My favorite is salmon! Hands down. I’m ok with tuna too, but gotta have both of them raw. I’m pretty impartial to cooked salmon. >_> It just makes it bland if you ask me. Anyways, so another one of my favorites is mackerel pike. Honestly, I believe that Asians out eat Americans on fish without a question. Not only in variety but also in quantity. I know Japanese folks probably eat half the damn ocean. Lol.

Fresh fish is good for you folks! I know too many kids these days, when they picture eating fish, all they see is a fillet. They don’t even know what kind of fish they’re eating!! Or better yet, it’s a fish stick!! I know cooking fish is intimidating and seeing the whole fish, head, tail and all is kinda scary, but honestly, you can’t just only eat fish fillets and think that you’re getting all your fish nutrients folks. Man up and cook a real fish!! Lol. Anywho’s… I’m ranting.

So Kenny asked me how reason A cooks it and I told him she basically pan-fries it and then simmers it in a sauce. I told him its really good and he agreed, but said its better if its deep fried or grilled. I told him the only thing I can’t stand about mackerel pike is the damn bones. Maybe that’s another turn off for Americans. See, Asian people especially Chinese folks have no damn problem picking out some bones. Of course when we were kids, our parents would pick out our bones, but once you grow up, you learn to pick out bones like its nothing. Of course, I have the occasional bone stuck in throat situation, cuz you missed one. Although it might sound scary, but you can solve that quickly with the good ol’ Chinese method. Just eat a big ass bite of white rice, and swallow hard. Ahahaha! I’m dead serious. That’s how we always solved the problem as a kid!! You would think you’re choking to death, but a big ass wad of white rice solves everything! Its freakin’ amazing! Lol.

Kenny was trying to explain to me the most tender part of the fish, which is right along the belly side of it, aka the fillet. So we decided to draw it. I drew mine first. Then he laughed cuz he said, “Mackerel pikes aren’t that freakin’ fat!!” So then he drew one. But his totally didn’t look like a mackerel pike!! Let’s take a look.

I don’t know what pops in your head when you see his drawing, but I kid you not the first thing I thought of was a dead duck. Tell me that does not look like a dead duck!! Dude!! That’s exactly what it looks like!! Lol.If I had a picture of a dead duck and put them side by side, I bet you wouldn’t be able to tell them apart!! Man!! So what my mackerel is a little fat, it still resembles at fish! You can’t deny that mine is a fish, but yours is a dead duck!! WTF is that?? Ahahahah!!! *EPIC HUBBY FAIL*

Happy Memorial Day + Being Lazy + Egg Mask

MOOD: (Bummified)
Quote Of The Day: “I saw the rabbits again!! But they weren’t doing it! What a shame.” -Juse

Man it feels good to not have to take my ass to work, but why do I feel like asswipe? I wonder if its cuz I’ve been lying around too long, and now my body is sore from lack of movement. *FAILS* Like literally I am sore all over, like I just ran a marathon. Maybe it’s from Saturday when me and Kenny video chatted, and we were jumping up and down all over the place and acting a fool and my body is just acting up? Humz…

I was pretty much a bum all day. All I did was sleep, eat, talk to Kenny, watched some daytime TV, and ate and slept some more. I did manage to squeeze in a hair mask which I hate with a raging passion. Basically its washing your hair with egg. Its suppose to be super nutritious for your scalp, and since I have fine and pathetic hair, reason A makes me do an egg mask once a week, and I CAN’T stand it!! Its literally just rubbing a raw egg in your hair. Can you imagine?? It’s the nastiest thing ever. You massage it into your hair, and then wrap a hot towel on it for 20 minutes to let it absorb and then rinse it off. Ugh. That and the fact that I work on Monday is why I usually hate Sundays. This time, since I did it on a Monday, I hate Mondays too. Wait… I’ve always hated Monday. O_o *FAILS*

Well since its Memorial Day, its only right for me to thank all the men and women now and before who have ever served this country and gave us our freedom so that I can sit my fat ass in front of the computer and blog about absolutely nothing. Your service and sacrifice is greatly appreciated and I salute you! Yays. I hope you guys got to spend time with family, got a great meal, and was honored the right way today.

Tomorrow its back to work as usual, which I am not looking forward to, but since it is a shorter work week, I am actually ok with it. I think Bossman might even be out of town. Or at least that’s what I’m praying. >_>

Random Juse Quirk: The Illusion Of Water

MOOD: (Like WTF)
Quote Of The Day: “What kind of problem is that? Thirsty but not thirsty?” -reason A

So I’m a pretty odd ball person no doubt. I have the oddest habits. But there is this one thing that I have yet to encounter someone else have. So just like my “Juse Evaluations”, and “Juse Pet Peeves” series, I’ve decided to do another one called “Juse Random Quirks” cuz I realized I have many. >_> Hey, hey… No judging!!

So here’s what the water illusion issue is. When I’m thirsty, I always ask reason A to pour me a glass of water. I know, I’m a lazy ass and I’m spoiled. Tell me something I don’t know for a change. >_> But the problem is, I’ll be thirsty as hell, and that’s why I ask her to get me some water, but then when she hands it to me, I always just tell her to put it on the table, and guess what? I never drink it!!! WTF is that?? Like I literally forget that I’m thirsty! And this isn’t a one time occurrence, this happens LITERALLY every single time. She always pours me water, and I always don’t drink it even though I’m really thirsty!! Reason A was like WTF is your problem?? I thought you were thirst?? And then I’m like I am!! So she’s like but you haven’t drank your water! So that’s when I realize that I haven’t! What the heck?? So apparently, just the sight of her handing me the water is enough to quench my thirst!! Ahaha!! That’s so super gay and retarded!! Its gotten so bad that now when she hands me water, she stands over me and guards me as I drink it to make sure I don’t forget again!! How the hell do you forget you are thirsty?? Such an epic fail!! I don’t know of anyone else that’s like that!

I’m the same way at work too!! I’m forever pouring water, but then it just sits on my desk and it never occurs to me to drink it! Like right after I set it down on my desk, I go do other stuff, just like I had a sip already and am not thirst but in reality, I didn’t even touch it! FML.

Typical Saturday, Just Rabbits Humpin’ And Shit >_>

MOOD: (HaHa)
Quote Of The Day: “Damn rabbits have no manners!! They just bust out and have sex anywhere!!” -reason A

Started the morning off right!! Me and Kenny video chatted for 3 hours! Woohoo!! I think last time we VCed, was around his birthday?? So its been almost 2 months!! Man! Our schedules are so crappy that its hard to get together. We just got offline, and as you can see, its like 2pm here, so its his 2am. Since I can’t get my ass up early, he always has to stay up super late. Of course, we talk on the phone and online everyday, but video chatting actually takes a bit more planning. I think he’s gained a little weight O_o. Or maybe its the new haircut. Lol. Miss him so much. We only logged off cuz my laptop ran out of battery. >_< *FAILS*

So as you guys may or may not know. I live in the cul-de-sac of my subdivision. That means I’m the last house at the end of the street. There’s like a tiny forest behind our house. That means on occasion, we get many odd animals. So far we’ve gotten hawks, vultures, birds of course, squirrels, chipmunks, snakes, lizards, and now something new; rabbits. I’ve tried to photograph as many of them as possible. Of course we lay off the creepy crawlies, but I was super excited about the rabbits!! reason A had mentioned to me they come around often, it’s a pair of them. But I’ve yet to see them. Wild freakin’ rabbits!! How awesome is that?? Lol. So as I’m in my room doing random crap on le computer, reason A suddenly screams “OMG!!” Just like we all do when someone yells that, I was like “What?? What??” reason A said that the rabbits were in the backyard again, and they were doing it!! Yes!! They were pumpin’ the Marvin Gaye “Let’s Get It On” and literally humping like rabbits!! Whoa!! Rabbit porn!! I have to see!! So I start running towards the living room with my camera! But cuz reason A screamed so loud, it scared them and they stopped and almost ran off. I was like noooooo!!! This could have been my million dollar ticket!! Pictures of rabbit porn!! Auhhh!!! Reason A was mad that they were “doing it” in our backyard cuz she said it scared away the birds! I was like WTF. So you’re trying to tell me that Jacky the bird is more adorable than bunnies humping?? *FAILS* I would rather let the bunnies hump!! Who gives a hot damn about your fat birds?? >_<

Anyways, so I ran to the window to see, and they had already stopped doing their business!! Damn it!! But I did manage to snap a pic of them anyways. Too bad they were so far away by then. The worst part is their colors were very camouflage, and they blended in with the dry leaves and you couldn’t even see them!! Why couldn’t they have been white?? Do white rabbits not grow in the wild? WTF? Ugh!! Anyways, here’s the pic!

They’re still cute though. I had to circle them on the pic so you could see them. Lol. They were getting ready to leave, but one turned around to look at me. Muahaha. Adorable. ❤

Happy Birthday Lili + Epic Hair Fail Day

MOOD: (Drowsy)
Quote Of The Day: “The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” -Lucile Ball

Ok, so last night I didn’t sleep well. I actually slept late even though I had vowed to sleep early, cuz I’ve been going to bed late all this week. But last night was the start of SYTYCD (So You Think You Can Dance) which is my favorite show, hands down. So after dinner and watching that and showering, and packing for work the next day, I got to bed kinda late. Not only that, I had a weird dream about my neighbor’s next door. I dreamt that they came over to “chat” and that whole thing was weird, cuz we’re not very close neighbors. Although we always greet each other in the yard, and I get them Christmas presents, we don’t talk otherwise. I don’t know their names or anything. All I know is that it’s a pretty normal family. Husband, wife, two sons and a cat. In my dream, they all came over, sat around my sofa and were chatting to me and reason A about life. WTF? It was just weird. >_>

Anyways, so after I woke up from my dream, I had this pounding headache. I mean it was borderline migraine, and I’ve never even had a migraine so I don’t know what it feels like but I’m assuming it feels like this. I should have taken some painkillers and went back to bed, but I was so tired, that I just turned to my side and went back to sleep. When I woke up this morning, my head was still pounding. No clue what it was from, but man that was painful. I took two painkillers before leaving for work, and its much better now.

So I don’t know if the headache threw me off, but this morning I did something retarded. -___-;; So since my hair is long now, when I wake up in the morning, first thing I do is tie my hair up. I hate having my hair down when its long, I hate the feeling of hair all up in my face, and it makes me more sleepy. So I always tie it up in a hot mess ponytail and then do my daily routine. Then after I do my make up base (since I actually do the makeup part in the car >_>) I do my hair, as the last thing. I kinda over slept this morning by 10 minutes, and my head hurt, so I guess I was thrown off. When I got to work this morning, I saw the reflection of myself in the window as I’m opening the door and I was like “Oh shit!! I forgot to comb my hair!!” *FAILS* Literally, I looked like this:

So yeah!! I was walkin’ into work lookin’ like that!! WTF!! So I checked around for people, the coast was clear, and I hurried and ran in the building and made a straight shot for the restroom!! Crap!! No comb or brush with me!! I had a comb in my bag which I dropped off at my desk. But I heard footsteps so I knew co-workers were starting to trickle in!! I can’t risk going back out there!! No!!! The problem is, I don’t have typical Asian hair. Meaning the sleek and straight black hair. I have nappy hair!! No I’m not a mixed baby. Though right about now I would argue that I’m mixed with some “Oh Shit” and “FML”. *FAILS* So I had no choice but to make best with what I had. Le Fingers. >_> I tried my best to comb my fingers through my hair to make it even and get rid of the major bumps.

I can’t believe I forgot to comb my hair!! Since its long, I’ve just been putting it up in a ponytail anyway, but of course a more “polished” version, combing down my fly-aways, and pulling out some bangs and stuff, not this hot mess I walked into work with today!! OMFG. I think I forgot cuz it “felt” right, since it was up, so I didn’t even realize I hadn’t combed it yet, and I don’t have a habit of looking in the mirror before I leave the house. >_< Thank God no one saw me, that was ridiculously embarrassing!! This is just as bad if not worse than the time that I almost walked out the house with no pants. @___@;; But that shall be another post. >_>

Today is Lili’s birthday!! Happy Birthday Lili!! Of course, as expected; here’s a history of us.

History of Me & Lili:
I don’t remember what year it was we met. Must have been my sophomore or junior year of college?? We both went to GSU. I met her in accounting class. She was sitting next to a guy I knew at the time named Jake. Do not ask me how I met Jake, cuz I don’t remember at all. I don’t think I had any other class with him other than this accounting class. Math was never my thing, so this was definitely my least favorite class at the time. I don’t remember when we started talkin’ but eventually I became the person everyone mooched off of for answers. Lol!! How ironic that I was the most clueless one yet everyone was cheating off of me? Nice. I can’t remember what I got in that class. Point is we all passed I believe.

Lili was also a marketing major so then we had another couple of marketing classes together. And one with her and her brother. That was a boring yet fun class we had. Boring cuz of the material, but fun cuz our teacher was Dutch, and he said back home in his country he owned a fried chicken franchise store! Ahahaha!! Our marketing professor sold fried chicken!! WTF!? XD I can’t remember if we had any other classes together or not. But since I’m a slacker, Lili graduated a semester before me I believe. After we graduated, we had a period where we didn’t really contact. But Lili has always been good about reaching out to me. She contacted me on Facebook and then later sent me occasional emails. Then there was a period where we would email each other like five page long emails back and forth all day venting about anything and everything!! Mostly about our relationships, or my failed ones at the time, and my finances.

Lili really should have studied accounting or finance in college. She’s really good at budgeting and financing!! Although I still don’t have my finances together, she has heavily influenced me in how I make my “better” decisions in recent years. When I first started dating Kenny, Lili was pretty skeptical. I guess everyone was at the time. She told me about her encounters with similar situations and how they failed her. She also referred to my many failed encounters before Kenny. She was with me through all my epic fails, and not really consoled me but rather whacked me upside the head with a bat each and every time!! Lol. But she was also the person who was the happiest for me once she realized how serious it had become, and also when I went to go visit Kenny for the first time. Lol. I know she’s a true friend cuz she cares for my well-being, even if she’s rude about it. Ahahah!!

Lili is super ditsy. She reminds me of an Asian Katie. But she’s hilarious!! Last year, I got to attend Lili’s wedding! That was exciting to watch a close friend get married. I’m glad I got to share that moment with her and I was truly happy for her cuz I knew that was what she had wanted for so long. I think although we rarely hang out, we are still very close, cuz we have shared many things together. Although she is much busier now as the wifey, we’ll still text occasionally and of course, text and email if something dramatic comes up. I appreciate how brutally honest she is as a friend, and I value her. Happy Birthday Lili!! I heart you!! Lol. (*Whacks you)

Boogie On Down To Uselessville…

MOOD: (Arg)
Quote Of The Day: “Thank God I’ve never encountered a dude with a fat Chinese girl fetish.” -Juse

So last night I had a very long text convo with le homie Runa. It was great!! It would have been even better if we could have sat down over some happy juice, cuz we realized how much crazy stuff we both had experienced, and were wowing each other over stories of ourselves, our stalkers and our loves. In that order. Lol. Can’t wait to hang out with her when she’s back in town.

This week has flown by pretty quickly, AND this is a long weekend cuz Monday is Memorial Day so I get the day off!! Thank you Baby Jesus!! Actually I don’t know that I get it off, but I’m going to assume that I do, since we get it off every year, it is a federal holiday, and I haven’t been told otherwise. >_> I don’t plan on coming in no matter what. If they ended up working and I two step my way to work on Tuesday and get confronted about it, I’m just gonna say that I was memorializing someone dear to my heart. They’ll be like WTF, that’s so ambiguous, is she talkin’ about family? Can we yell at her or no? Lol. XD

I’m glad that we get a long weekend, cuz today I just got news that I’m going to be going through some hell for the next 2 weeks. It’s a long story but let’s see if we can cut it short. I have 3 Interns right now. Intern Roger, Intern Jon, and Intern Avril, aka Bambi. Intern Roger has been with me for the longest. I would say over a year. Technically he’s not an intern anymore, he’s full time employed, but once you’re my intern, in my eyes you will forever be an intern. Intern Jon came next. He’s approaching a year I believe. He’s fun to be around, and we chat it up all the time, but work ethic wise, Intern Roger has him beat by a landslide. Intern Avril has been here for about 3 weeks, and another guy came the same time she did, which is Intern Joe. He no longer interns with me, because he was not hired for over here. He’s suppose to replace the M.O.D. in our Mississippi office, who quit. He was just training with me for 2 weeks to get familiar with the paperwork and stuff. I hope I’m not losing anyone here with all the names. >_>

The M.O.D. at the time in Mississippi was named William. He quit about 2 months ago. It was on very short notice, and he left on bad terms, so we weren’t prepared. We hadn’t had time to hire someone to replace him yet, so Bossman asked me if I could recommend someone from my team to go. Of course, I recommend my work BFF who is Intern Roger. He’s very ambitious and I thought this would be a good chance for him to practice and show off his skills. Maybe he’ll get a promotion after Bossman sees how great he is! So with that said, they shipped off Intern Roger to Mississippi. I was of course handicapped for a little while afterwards, cuz I’m so use to having such a useful person by me.

Intern Roger has been there for about 2 months now. So we finally hired someone to replace William, which is Intern Joe. But after 2 weeks of training with Intern Joe, we realized that he isn’t good for anything, but since his trial period isn’t up yet, we kept him. This past week, he got shipped to Mississippi for formal training. Well, beside the fact that he’s making enemies over there, he also isn’t learning anything. Honestly it’s just an attitude issue. He thinks he’s Mr. Know it All. Well guess what?? No one is gonna waste their precious time to teach you if you keep rolling your eyes, and interrupting them!! I tried to tell him a few things and he was so damn nonchalant about it, I just said, you know what? Screw you. Figure that shit out yourself. Ugh!!

Problem comes when the other day, Intern Roger got news that his Grandma passed away. He has to request some time off to pay respect to her. That basically just leaves Intern Joe to fend for himself, which is an “Oh shit!” moment cuz he’s only been there 3 days, and has learned absolutely nothing. Intern Roger already booked his ticket to fly back home, therefore he can’t help Up The Ass With No Jelly Joe. Yes I typed that whole phrase out. >_> So guess what?? My ass gets to do that job!! WTF!!!?? Yeah. Unfortunately for the next two weeks, my life will be a living hell, because I will have to not only do what my daily job entails, but also manage the office in Mississippi!! Now tell me how useless you have to be to actually be in that city and state and you can’t handle the work, and somebody a thousand miles away gotta handle your shit?? I need some happy juice before I pass out. X______X;;

Hi. I’m A Whore…

MOOD: (Bitch Face)
Quote Of The Day: “I need that right about now girl.” -DFD

Today we’re going to dive into the secret and twisted mind of Juse. They always say it’s bad to self diagnose, but I find myself doing that quite often; although I am not in this field of study. My low self-esteem as a kid has caused me to grow up and become this monster that I am today. Ladies and gentleman… I am an attention whore. There, I said it. For the record, I am a Leo. You are welcome to go do your research on the female Lioness, and see how high regards she holds herself in. Maybe that has something to do with it. I’ve always told people that I am a very weird blend of low self esteem and extreme narcissism. I know. Don’t ask me how that one works. >_> Point is, I often times put my own feelings at the center of attention, and hurt people who love me, then turn around and sacrifice my all for someone I love without any restriction. Basically my life as a whole can be described like this:

Yeah, I know right?? I think in ways, my life is unfulfilling. As I have voiced to Kenny and Runa on multiple occasions, I often have dreams of me at the buffet. It seems like I’m just a greedy bastard when it comes to food or that I’m a fat hungry pig, but the dream is weird in one way. As many times as I’ve had a dream that I’m at a buffet, I have NEVER dreamt that I got to eat the food, never. The dream always ends with me getting a lot of food and sitting down and right when I am about to dig in, I wake up. I think subconsciously that is my inner self telling me that I’m not fulfilled in life.

It’s hard to say what the cause of this is, cuz SO many parts of my life are unfulfilling, but I think its relationship related. True, my career is down the drain right now, so are my finances, but for some reason, I still think its relationship related. I have no idea why. I often times find myself very frustrated, cuz I know Kenny loves me, I know he gives me his undivided attention, but at the same time, I just feel it’s not enough. He could spend 24 hours with me a day, and I still wouldn’t think it’s enough. Is this normal?? It scares me how greedy I am with him and his time. It scares me how much of a jealous prick I am, even though he’s never given me a reason to doubt him or distrust him. It scares me that the attention whore side of me will suffocate him. I know he needs his personal space. I know he’s a guy and he needs sports and hanging out with buddies and having a drink and all that guy stuff, yet I loathe at the thought of when he does these things instead of spending time with me. Is this normal?? OMG. I think I have turned into “that girl” that yo momma warned you to stay away from. Lol.

Sometimes when Kenny gets too busy for me which is so rare, I feel unloved. The reason I know that I am an attention whore is cuz I constantly need reassurance. I need to be constantly told how great I am, how much I am loved, and how they would rather spend every second of their life with me than doing anything else. Yeah, that’s the unrealistic but reality of it. I know I have issues, shut up. >_> So when I don’t have this overwhelming feeling of being loved and worshiped, I get what I like to call “side-tracked”. It means I have wondering eyes. I know, but don’t get me wrong folks!! I am not cheating. To break it down into layman’s terms, when I side-track I purposely go out in search of reassurance and validation of my awesomeness from other people whom just happen to all be the opposite sex. Is this making any sense?? Ugh!!

This honestly, is just aka flirting. There! I said it!! I’m very flirtatious!! I know this is not a good thing, cuz if Kenny were EVER flirtatious, then I’d shred him into pieces and feed him to the sharks. I’m just sayin’… >_> The reason I suddenly decided to post this issue is cuz I’ve been reading Fifty Shades of Grey. In the book, there are often 3 frames of thought for the narrator Anastasia. If you haven’t read the book, then sorry if I give anything away, which I don’t believe I do. O_o But sometimes she speaks as her subconscious, sometimes as her inner goddess, and sometimes as just the plain old her; the narrator. That’s when it dawned on me, that the person causing all this evil commotion and flirting is my inner goddess!! Duh!! Lol. its like the dumbest revelation I’ve ever had. -___-;;

Here is an excerpt from my inner goddess. Brace yourself folks. This is her monologue, so it’s very self absorbed. Lol!

“I know I am fabulous, in every sense of the word. I command your attention, and I am appalled at anyone who doesn’t give me the attention that I so obviously deserve. How dare you not worship at my feet? How dare you not think I am the savior for your soul? How dare you think my love is anything less than perfect? I know how great I am, and everyone should know that. If you are the opposite sex, then I can seduce you. I use my humor, my wittiness, my addictive personality to lure you in. You can’t control yourself, you can’t deny how fabulous I am and how addicted you are to me. Guys are like trophies. I like having them stand in line just to have a quick word with me. I’m not gonna lie, it totally feeds into my ego. I know you want me, and you can’t have me, and its f@cking great!! The second I can sense that I have you hooked, I sing in my head and then quietly whisper to myself, SCORE!! Its not even you that I want. Its just the assurance that I could have you any second that I wanted you. Its just that evil feeling that I know you’re addicted to me like drugs and yet I can play it off innocently like I don’t have a clue. It makes me feel empowered.”

Now tell me that b!tch ain’t crazy!! Lol. Yeah, but that’s also the sad part. I know people are always saying the cliché that your job title doesn’t define you and another person won’t validate you. Well in my case, I think they do!! I think other people help validate me!! How sad and pathetic is that?? Sometimes I flirt just to know that I’m attractive. Does that even make sense?? I am not interested nor am I seeking anything else other than validity! I just want to know that I’m f@cking awesome and everyone knows that!! OMG. I can’t believe I’m posting this. Now everyone is going to run away from me screaming. -__-;; FML. Anyways, I know I need to stop doing this. It’s like playing with fire. Last time I almost got burned. I should learn my lesson.

But I haven’t apparently. I often use excuses to help me convince myself that its ok, cuz the first thing out my mouth when I’m talkin’ to “the guy” is that I have a hubby and how great he is. I often spend half the convo talkin’about Kenny and how much I love him. How ironic right?? I need to verbalize how much I love him to someone else in order to reassure myself that I do. Hum… I think I just had a new revelation. But the phrases that I usually seek out pretty religiously are “He’s a lucky man.” Or “I think I’m falling for you.” That’s when I pat myself on the back and say, “You’re awesome. He just validated that.” And I feel good inside. How effin’ sick is that?? I think I have a twisted mind. Ugh. The reason I’m posting this is cuz I almost had another encounter today. But don’t judge me. Cuz its ghetto to judge me yet still read my blog just so you can judge me some more. Lol.

At the end of the day, I know who I love, and he knows it too. I just have to stick the evil inner goddess back down into my stomach and hope she drowns in my stomach fluids or something. >_> Although I can keep her under control to the point where I don’t become a psycho, I will probably never be able to change the fact that I’m an attention whore. I think its cuz I’m trying to over compensate myself for all the low self-esteem I had as a kid. Oh well. You win some, you lose some. *SHRUGS*

Juse Pet Peeves #124: People Who Gargle With Their Drink & Then Swallows It

MOOD: (Blah)
Quote Of The Day: “Sometimes I’ll be like, oh man this taste like ass!! Here… taste it!!” -Juse

So I have to male co-workers that have this problem. It is the nastiest thing I could ever witness, I think it’s almost as bad if not worse than back-washing. >_> After they finish eating their food, they will drink their drink and with the last sip, they will rinse their mouth and gargle, and then swallow it! Auhhhh!!! That is so damn nasty!! Why would you ever do that shit?? I don’t even get it!! If you rinse your mouth with it then that shit needs to get spit out!! How can you swallow it?? What if you have like floating food particles that get cleaned out of your teeth and then you swallow that shit?? I know it’s like your mouth, your drink and your damn food particles, but damn!! The exact second I hear the person swallow, I feel like I’m about to barf. I could feel my breakfast coming back up as I speak. It just reminds me of orange juice with pulp in it. That’s why I don’t drink that cuz it reminds me of mouth rinsing water. EWWWWWW!!!! You nasty sons of b!tches!! Blah!! >_<