Juse Confessions: Me. Peel. Orange. No…!!

MOOD: (Beaten Up)
Quote Of The Day: “Is that a naked orange?? Can you just buy them like that?? O_o” -Intern Emily

Ladies and gents, how do you know that you are loved? I know cuz they peel a damn orange for me!! Lol.

Tada!! Today reason A stuffed a little bowl in my bag, and when I went to open it during lunch time, I saw a perfectly peeled orange this is actually a tangerine, why the eff am I calling it an orange? >_> Now its confession time.

So everyone has something they don’t know how to do. In matter of fact, we probably have a ton that we don’t know how to do. I can name a handful off the top of my head! I don’t know how to swim, I don’t know how to ride a bike, I can’t touch my nose with my tongue, etc. You get the drift. >_> But I’m sure there are some uncommon ones as well right?? Like some guys don’t know how to tie a tie, or don’t know how to change a tire, and some girls don’t know how to cook, or to properly put on makeup. But these are all pretty common things relative to their genders right? Well is there something that you don’t know how to do that almost everyone your age is able to do? >_> So erm, yeah… I don’t know how to peel an orange. O__O;; #dontjudgeme Honestly I don’t know how to describe this phenom either, but it’s true. Now before you all give me the WTF look, let me “attempt” to explain it.

Ever since I was a kid, I was spoiled. Not in terms of lavish clothes and toys, I mean I was coddled. I am definitely not an advocator of coddling, cuz the results are always someone like me, who lacks in many life skills. As kids, it is pretty common for parents to peel our oranges for us, or to cut up our other fruits like watermelon or even apples. But there comes a time, where we venture out and learn things for ourselves, such as peeling an orange. >_> Ahem. But I never seemed to have mastered this life skill. Me and oranges do not get along. Sure I love the burst of sweet citrus goodness as you bite down into a slice of orange in your mouth, but the whole fighting with the peel to get to the sweet meat on the inside, is unbearable. I remember one time, when I was younger; I wanted an orange. There were plenty around the house, but reason A was way too busy to deal with me. I decided that today was going to be the day. I was gonna peel my own orange for the first time!! I picked a small one from the bunch and took it to the dining room table. I figured since I have smaller hands, then I best pick the one most suited for me. I remember reason A usually poking the top of the orange with a knife, to get the “peeling” process started. But when she didn’t have a knife, she would just stick her fingernail into the top of the orange and puncture it. I didn’t have any nails at the time, but I had the process down packed. I poked at the orange for a second, and realized that the skin was rather tough. Determined to get it right the first time, I decided to put all the might I had into my index finger used the wrong damn finger anyways. *FAILS* and poked the orange on the top! That folks, was the most painful stub ever!! It was like kicking something hard with your toe. >_< I got upset. WTF is wrong with you orange?? Let me eat you!! Arg!! So again I tried, this time holding the orange in one hand, and pointing dead at it with the finger of the other hand!! I go in for the kill!! And what happens??? (*Long pause… This is an intermission, you may get up now and either pee or get a sip of water.)

(*We’re back) I poke my whole freakin’ finger through the orange!! Auhhh!!! So here I am, small kid, orange hanging off of index finger, and hungry. *FAILS* This is how I felt. Lets illustrate:

So yeah. I attempted to peel it with the other hand, and failed epically because the peel came off in little flakes instead of large chunks like when reason A did it. When reason A came into the room, and saw the orange juice bath I was now soaking in, she was like “Aiya! You gotta peel it before you eat it!!” I was like FML!! That IS what I’m trying to do dear woman that gave birth to me!! Auhhh!! After that day, I never peeled my own oranges. -___-;; True story.

I admit, maybe at my age, this is a bit odd, but I refuse to believe I’m the only one that doesn’t peel their own oranges. O_o reason A has peeled oranges for me, Kenny has, my old Intern Kevin did, and Intern Roger has. I think that’s it. It’s not like I’m promiscuous with my orange peelers. So it’s ok right? >_> When Kenny first found this out, he was like “I’ll peel oranges for you for the rest of your life…” And I was like “Aww… he’s so sweet! I found my true love!” And then he busted out with “Unless you eat them every single day, 3 meals a day, then you’re on your own cuz I’m not peelin’ all that shit. >_>” And I was like U FAIL!! Lol. He always ruins the mood. (*Pokes the shit out of him!… Not literally though, cuz that’s kinda like eww. >_>)

Intern Roger calls it my  “handicap” cuz he said everyone knows how to do it, but I don’t. BUT!! To redeem myself a little bit. I do know how to do the other common things that I mentioned above like changing a flat tired (really just a car batter but close enough), properly put on make up, cook (kinda), and how to tie a tie (I really don’t but for the sake of argument I will say I do!) Lol. #dontjudge

Now I shall go devourer this orange until it is yummy in le tummy. Woohoo!!



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